Relationships suck: Marriage is ok, sex is better : Imprint Online

The first time anyone has sex, it?s probably not the greatest or most beautiful thing ever to happen. It is likely to be a little awkward and messy for most people (and by most I could probably say all). Obviously a great number of us place a grandiose level of importance on the first time and everyone can say it?s stupid to do that, but can you really blame humanity for it?
On top of the fact that everyone remembers their first, we all believe subconsciously (or consciously) that the first time should be amazing because of previous experiences. Think of all the things you?ve ever done to have fun and recall the first time you did them. I could probably guarantee that the first time was the best, if not one of the best, times. So what does that have to do with marriage?

Last week, I stated that people should be allowed to lose their virginity at their own pace for their own reasons. However, as a corollary reflecting one of Voltaire?s infamous quotes, I will defend your right to choose when and why you lose your virginity, but that doesn?t mean I agree with it.

For those who want to have sex for the sheer joy of it, I have nothing more to say to you than have at it and make sure you wrap your junk. To those waiting, I hope the reason for your patience makes sense. I can get behind those who want to wait for the right person or the right time; it?s when you pick a specific temporal event that I become perplexed.
I have heard people in high school and university say that they wanted to wait or should wait anywhere from three dates to a year before having sex.

To those people, I ask, why not longer? Why is that number better than any other number?
Picking a certain length of time is like guessing the number of jelly beans in a small jar: one is too small and a million is too large but you pick somewhere in between because it seems the most realistic. Marriage is simply an extension of that temporal concept. You may not know when you?re getting married, but it?s an event and a time you are certain will arise in your future. Succinctly put, it is a known and tangible variable.

In the end though, choosing a length of time or marriage as your green light for sex leads to the same problem ? you?re using a physical entity to manage an emotional one. These two don?t mesh well together because neither has any control over the other.

At its core, the concept of waiting is based on emotion. It?s the internalized idea that the person you become physically intimate with also evokes the feeling of mental intimacy. A lot of things go into this connection, like trust and oftentimes love, but none of these things can be planned for.

I can?t name the moments when my friends stopped being acquaintances and started being chums and I can?t remember when I started trusting them. I can?t remember because feelings just happen on their own accord. I can sit here being depressed but I do not have the power to give my emotions some sort of deadline to end that sadness as much as I can say, ?In five minutes, I?ll be happy.?

Why is that? Well, emotions are exhaustingly fickle. That?s why choosing some physical trait, like a ceremony, is so arbitrary and meaningless.

Of course, there are those who will claim that marriage is a symbol of ultimate unification and a solidification of trust and love. To them I ask, was it not present beforehand? I would think it would have to be if you are willing to ask them to spend the rest of their life with you. Why you would need a priest or a metal ring to tell you that is beyond me.

The only reason anyone believes marriage holds some sort of special influence is the way we were raised and what societal norms were fed to us. Any outsider unaware of the custom would not think much of it, but I can guarantee that the loving look between partners will be noticed because intimacy and emotions are universal ? and that?s what matters.

Also, let?s not forget the duality of how capricious our emotions are. They can disappear as swiftly as they appear, which means you can think marriage is a sign for whatever you want but there is no assurance that it will be there the next day. Couples who have been married for whatever length, from 20 days to 20 years, can and have lost the emotions they so vehemently felt on their wedding day.

What everyone should take away from this is that marriage or any other specified length of time should not be trusted with matters of the heart. Plhus, you could end up marrying somebody and the two of you could be sexually incompatible. Now you?ve ruined one of the best things in life and you have to resort to your right hand (or your left hand for all you sinister people).

And if you think that?s not true or that you can fix it, you haven?t had sex yet.

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